Daughter of No Worlds by Carissa Broadbent

Author:Carissa Broadbent [Broadbent, Carissa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-01-06T16:00:00+00:00

We did, eventually — reluctantly, though neither of us admitted it aloud — return to the party. And I resumed my performance, collecting startled glances and horrified stares the same way that I once collected little silver coins. I told the truth to anyone who was bold enough to ask me, sparing no brutality, no ugliness, no responsibility.

Not enough. Never enough.

Those words still throbbed inside of me as Max and I finally left the party, long after the lights had begun to flicker out, long after Sammerin and Moth and most other guests had retreated. Since our one dreamlike dance, we had hardly spoken at all, right up until we stepped back into the familiar warmth of that cluttered living room.

In this setting, I suddenly felt ridiculous in my finery. Max must have too, because he immediately pushed his sleeves up to his elbows, releasing a sigh and another button of his collar.

“I have to say, Tisaanah, it was worth it to brave my first Order event in the better part of a decade just to see the looks on their faces when you were done with them.”

“I’m not done with them. I have barely begun.”

I had spent the night cutting myself up into little pieces for consumption, forcing people to acknowledge me, thrusting my pain into their faces. And now I felt like something in me was just… depleted. And for what? For their horrified stares? Was that enough?

Not enough. Never enough.

“The first step is to force them to confront the reality,” Max said, as if he heard my unspoken doubts. “People don’t like to do that, but I saw it happen tonight. Even in Zeryth, and normally his head is too far up his own ass to see much of anything.”

“But I must decide what is next.”

“You will. And you know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.”

He did believe it. I knew he did. And I didn’t let our gazes hold long enough to see all of it — the depths of it — for reasons I couldn’t quite understand.

Instead, I gave him a weak smile. “Right now, I just need to get out of this dress.”

As soon as the words left her lips, I swallowed an odd buzz that rose to skin at my choice of phrasing. And I wondered if I was imagining the timing of Max’s extra blink, the slight shift in his stance.

But he just said, “Understandable. Get some rest.”

“Goodnight.”

I went back to my room and closed the door. Slipped out of my deeply uncomfortable shoes. Then I reached to my back to unfasten the clasp at the back of my dress —

And let out a grunt of pain. Strands of my hair had loosened over the course of the night and tangled themselves around clasps that held my dress around my neck. I fought with it for a few minutes longer, then, when I finally feared I might draw blood, I gave with a flail of frustration and marched back out into the living room.

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